I’m so ready.

I am.  I’m so ready for new things, new opportunities, new people, even new fears.  I’m just so ready for life.  I’ve been really happy lately, I have, yet I haven’t been at peace… there’s a difference for me.  I guess I’ve essentially just been content.  I’ve cut so many ties and people out of my life and I’ve been awaiting this new chapter in my life to start for a while.   Yet despite the days counting down and the time getting closer and closer, I still always think about things that I’ve told myself I’ve already let go of.  Things I’ve told myself to forget about, things I’ve already forgiven others or myself for, but I just can’t help it.  I always think, ‘What if I didn’t say this?  If only he hadn’t done that.  What if they didn’t choose this?’  But I can’t think that way and I know I shouldn’t.  Things happen for a reason.  And just that: they happened.  So I need to have faith that this is all working for a bigger plan and not dwell on things.  I never used to be this way though.  I feel like I used to be stronger… had thicker skin.  I just want to be like how I was before.  Or at least how I think I was before.  I never took any shit and would let things roll off my back and always had a “good for them” mentality.  Things still got to me sometimes, but they didn’t eat at me.  I feel like lately even if I seemed to have had that attitude or told myself that I did, I really didn’t.  Things still stuck with and consumed me.  But I’ve felt a peace wash over me before and I know I can again with prayer and with time.  I will.  I’m ready.