I’m so ready.
I am. I’m so ready for new things, new opportunities, new people, even new fears. I’m just so ready for life. I’ve been really happy lately, I have, yet I haven’t been at peace… there’s a difference for me. I guess I’ve essentially just been content. I’ve cut so many ties and people out of my life and I’ve been awaiting this new chapter in my life to start for a while. Yet despite the days counting down and the time getting closer and closer, I still always think about things that I’ve told myself I’ve already let go of. Things I’ve told myself to forget about, things I’ve already forgiven others or myself for, but I just can’t help it. I always think, ‘What if I didn’t say this? If only he hadn’t done that. What if they didn’t choose this?’ But I can’t think that way and I know I shouldn’t. Things happen for a reason. And just that: they happened. So I need to have faith that this is all working for a bigger plan and not dwell on things. I never used to be this way though. I feel like I used to be stronger… had thicker skin. I just want to be like how I was before. Or at least how I think I was before. I never took any shit and would let things roll off my back and always had a “good for them” mentality. Things still got to me sometimes, but they didn’t eat at me. I feel like lately even if I seemed to have had that attitude or told myself that I did, I really didn’t. Things still stuck with and consumed me. But I’ve felt a peace wash over me before and I know I can again with prayer and with time. I will. I’m ready.